i may or may not have been spotted by tourists while getting head in the vicinity of the jefferson memorial
whats wrong with me. i have a coffee mug of wine in the library and i'm doing homework
She fell onto my light and broke all four plants. I don't care how good the blowjob was.
Another one? Damn, how many David's is that?
six.
Oh, I thought it was higher.
No, that would be the Matt's
i was actually impressed that she managed to throw up underwater while scuba diving
Think they will judge us if our pre drink is a kiddie pool of jello shots?
all I know is I'm really rwfly really really stoned and a bunch of Korean people are yelling at me
I understand where he's coming from but I don't want this alcohol to revolve around relationship
Wait
If I wake up with an unknown penis in me one more time I am literally going to press charges to the makers of tequila.
Jazzercise themed birthday pub crawl. 6 bars in 6 hours.everyone was a hot mess.
The man who lives downstairs is fluent in Russian, and also a playboy. You should meet.
Did we smoke in a portapotty last night? And if so, do you think the brown stuff covering my body is actually dirt?
I drunkenly texted ur dad last night telling him he raised great kids hahahahaha
He asked if I could not say his name during sex cause he liked the girl in the apartment above me.
I didn’t say it was classy, I said it was sexy
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