too bad you live with your parents still
I hope you never procreate. Philly is already the ugliest city in the country.
Just saw a guy wearing pink jeans and i bet he's straight. Fuck 2009.
Your clothes are in washers 2,3 and 4. I arranged by darks, whites, then frat... I'm not even joking
He spent the entire date challenging me to chugging contests.
It's like my butt was the only innocence I had left and now I don't even have that.
Because drinking and showering don't go hand in hand. There that's my PSA of the day.
I'm watching porn in spanish. Thats studying right?
Well he was mad because I chose tequila over him. He obviously doesn't understand that he will always be second to my first true love.
How the hell do you misplace a bag of tacos in a closet?
I don't want my vagina anymore.
I got myself off in the shower last night for the first time ever! I just looked like I was playing a game of twister.
I think one make out session at a bar per year is probably the best choice.
I was fingering her and they busted into my room demanding to know who the best running back was, before I could say anything she moaned and said "Barry Sanders"
Turns out your granddad is cooler than you. We're taking him on our New year's eve pub crawl instead. Sorry.
Randomize
