Hemmingway ran to paris to avoid going to the university of illinois and becoming a doctor. It was there he developed a drinking problem. I need a plane ticket.
Seriously? Time stamp. 2:31 AM. And I am taking self potraits with a tree. Betty Ford anyone?
That's so unfortunate for him bc you can always find another penis, but he's stuck with it
Is it weird to say that getting an std with you was kinda romantic?
i vomited out of my nose in three different houses so far, i will be back for my boots tomorrow
I think my vagina is phsycic. All day it tingled and then BAM Channing Tatums look alike fucks me like ive never been fucked in my life.
So this 40 year old woman was trying to bring me into the bathroom to blow me and the bartender called the cops on her because she was showing her tits. Only in asbury.
I refused to call him anything but Drake eyebrows all night.
The profile of her ass is just unreal. Weird way to use profile I know, but never more accurate
WHAT IF I SAT OUTSIDE AND STARTED SCREAMING THE LYRICS TO O CANADA WOULD THAT FIX IT
PLEASE DON'T
You threw up in your own shoe then wore it home
Got drunk in Atlantic City Flagged down some guy with two wrapped tampons like road flares for a cigarette.
A person can only vomit Fireball so much before they quit it forever
I just had a dream that I was fighting Donald Trump... Gotta stop watching the news before bed
You kept licking me last night.... and said I tasted like jello. Next time, lay off the jello shots, okay?
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