sooo how much is appropriate to spend on a vibrator? what if it is really legit looking?
I woke up this morning to 7 word documents that all said "remember to be extremely angry at your jerk of a brother." What the hell did you do to me last night?
well since you're still married, you will be paying for my abortion right?
The dentist just giggled when he accidentally shot water across my face, I can sense how he treats women.
please dont pick me up from the airport dressed like a terrorist.
He let me keep his flannel as a "good job" for the great head I gave him.
I was cut off by 8, I need to rethink this breakup therapy strategy
Lightning struck the tree right outside of her window as I came inside her. I think its God's way of saying go by plan b.
Accidently said "your going to hurt the baby" when he got forceful with his thrusts. I guess I forgot to mention to him that we are pregnant.
The crooked penis I maybe could have looked past...but no foreplay? Deal breaker.
Your vagina is like Nancy Drew lately.
Like I wasn't going to make out with the hot Australian sitting next to me at the Portland blazer game?
If this adventure is going to get us arrested it'll have to wait until Wednesday so that I can bail myself out.
If I'm not there when the plane leaves, I didn't make it through security. See you at home! Vegas bitches!!!
I called him my big strong man today. It's all downhill from here. Matching Christmas sweaters, here we come
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