I was staring at you from my window across the quad. I wanted to let you know so it's not creepy
god I hate her. why can't she just fuck and leave like a normal slut.
just watched her puke in her purse and put it back on the bar. then half hour later put her hand in her bag to get a pen to give me her number. I bet she is game for anything
and if it starts getting weird im just going to tell him i used to be a man
I didn't mean to leave you there I just didn't know him well enough to throw up in his bathroom.
the outcome of this sandwich determines whether or not i do anything else with my day..
literally hosing herself off in my back yard with the hose. i offered her the shower but she refused. that drunk.
Just ate a whole pizza by myself. Wearing my indian headdress again. its really cool with the french braids. I look like fucking pocahontas or some shit.
How can I politely yet provocatively ask you for a cock shot?
Totally just railed SuperGirl for my birthday. Best Girlfriend EVER!
You don't know the true meaning of fear until your girlfriend's niece insists on sitting on your lap with 20 mg of Viagra coursing through your veins.
This text constitutes a formal request for sexual congress under the terms of our Relationship Agreement.
I found a loose wire in my thermostat. Couldn't find the pliers, so I used a nipple clamp to fix it.
We didn't have a place to have sex. So we timed the automatic car wash & spent $9 for 3 minutes and 45 secs of car sex.
It wasn't as awesome as they lead everyone to believe. No stripper. Ran out of booze. The chipmunk. He was real.
Randomize
