Was i wearing a white blazer when you superpoke danced me??
Even My mom was ashamed of me bringing her home, she pulled me aside, and told me i can do better than, "butter faces"
ASIANS HAVE SEX TOO!! I just watched it happen in the library.
your philanthropy is ruining my sex life.
It's my diet secret . . . it's like slimfast but I call it cockfast instead.
If you hook up with your cousin you will permanently be my favorite person ever.
I think we r still a few steps from ex sex. In fact, that's never going to happen. I'm just saying on the seething-chemical-fire-of-emotional-distress-to-post -relationship-intercourse scale, I'm closer to fucking than throttling. Progress is fun.
You could sing the national anthem right before we have sex. Make it feel like a sporting event
I'm pretty sure NORMAL roommates don't have to hide each others sex toys from their fuck buddies.
You are in a fancy European city. The best way to truly experience the city is through Tinder
There was nowhere else for me to go. I'm like the island of misfit toys but I'm hot.
Honestly, this is a first for me. I've always prided myself on my ability to pretend to get along with others.
I looked so sad that Jessica gave me a bar of soap. So that's where I'm at.
Don't try to sleep with work colleagues because he won't be able to get it up and you won't be able to look him in the eye ever again
probably because i sent a bunch of guys a snap saying happy one year to my nipple piercings
Randomize
