I think east. Tornado watch. What the fuck are you doing in Texarkana?
Bonnaroo. Tornado watch? Expand on that thought.
Watch for tornadoes.
so he was shitfaced and kept using sticky notes to label everything like "beer spill" and "going to fuck later"
i stopped calling them hangovers and started calling mornings a long time ago.
yeah they are definitely having sex in that car. joe just yelled through the window telling them to do the "titanic hand print thing"
Get caught with marijuana. Cop takes piece. Buy new bong. Circle of fun.
We legitimately thought something was wrong with you until someone pointed out you were just doing the thriller dance
Drunk and alone at a magic show is what my life has become without you
You rope them in with the looks and the boobs, and I'll bore them into submission with random trivia. We can't lose.
I just can't do Wednesdays sober anymore
You guys had reggaeton music playing while dry humping? Definition of romance.
So I'll be starting a scrapbook from all the mugshots of the guys I've slept with
I'm now at a gay bar with our relatives
Do you think it would be weird to add her on Facebook?
You just commited a felony act together, I honestly think we're beyond this.
I'm just hoping that with all the times he's puked in my yard a mushroom field might grow.
And somehow in between all the vomitting you managed to mumble "Well this is attractive!" And I swear that's when I fell in love. Best. First. Date. Ever!
Randomize
