i am only reminding you that showing off your fellatio skills on vegetables is probably not an appropriate party trick
About me waking up with a tatto of a hamster with a top hat ?
hey.....beach week happens
There was a lot of him and a little penis
We had literally Just finished having sex when he handed me a plan B and said he lied about wearing a condom.
he had a blacklight sublime poster, of course i had to do him.
The drunken tricycle race really added some class to the Tour de Franzia. Until everyone wiped out and started puking.
the welcome home hickey he left on my boob is really gunna put a damper on the rest of my thanksgiving hook up plans with the rest of my ex's
In lieu of flowers, please donate to The Hungover Children's Fund in my name.
Ok now a guy in a winnie the pooh costume is grinding on some chick to the song shots
I've made a list of places I want to have sex this summer. #1: Reptile House at the zoo.
You kept running up to married couples, taking their pictures and begging for them not to get divorced
Why do I think he'd like to keep my hair in a box?
Do you know this guy sitting in front of us? Asking for my vagina.
Uhmmmm is there really any way to tactfully ask "you into me jerking you off with my feet... or nah" cause if you find one let me know 😂
So I woke up this morning to find my laptop open, with a google search for "where to buy marble", and a hungover naked northern girl in my bed who told me that I claimed to be a sculptor last night and that I promised to sculpt a bust of her hands...
Randomize
