Yea, forget your mom. She will be home after her one night stand.
I'm not saying we can't have sex tonight, I'm just saying we have to work it around Lost.
you kept shouting how the only tree you would hump is an elm tree because they're under populated
FYI you just passed out mid-blow job. Consider this my letter of resignation.
She just told me she's too full for a reach-around. Sad.
Apparently william has a "couch montage"...an album of facebook photos of himself on different couches in various states of happiness and despair. A heartwrenching journey through what was clearly a significant part of his life. I'd mock him more but I think the fact that I looked through it means he's already won
I'm going to join a nudist colony to win $1000. There are no down-sides to this.
ASS. GYMANSTICS. OLYMPICS. NOW!!!
Dear me: Drinking & crying tonight, my place, 9pm sharp. Love, your life
I ate mushroom chocolates & went to the botanical gardens for Christmas. HAPPY FUCKING HOLIDAYS
Trying not to ruin Mother's Day with the enormous hickey on my neck. Nice.
I'm still hammered too. I started tweeting the time at one point I'm pretty sure.
This bitch goes out driving during the nor'easter to get her ass eaten.. that’s dedication
I sent my brother over to my ex's to get the rest of my stuff. He comes back SEVEN HOURS LATER, high as fuck without my shit! No loyalty.
Had to trim my nails cus they got too long to effectively finger myself with
Randomize
