I'm at derby!
The kentucky derby! But its night time, theres no way the horses are awake at this time.
So I totally just remembered that you tried to smoke a hornet out of it's nest.
We lost track of him for only 10 min and he gets kicked out for sneaking into the kitchen and trying to operate the deep fryer.
she demanded that I make her breakfast too so im in the bathroom cooking bacon with her straightener
Just stared at a tree for a solid 5 minutes because I thought a German Shepard was perched on a limb.
i have officially banned the recreational use of bayonets.
I am a woman. I need to be selective about the porn I stream on my phone. Who knows if my cell will ever get lost, who will see it and what they'd think otherwise. Keepin' it classy tampa.
no, you don't understand how much people deal here. All I had to say was "hey lets buy a bag" and he pulled over instantly, then the randoms in the car behind us pulled over and sold us a bag.
The highlight was when a stranger was nose to nose with you threatening to kick ur ass, and you said "Is that your real face? Stopped him dead.
People try and tell me I never learn me lesson, well that's a bunch of crap. I asked for Monday off for Superbowl recovery based on my experience last year.
omg so there's this guy on the roof and he just stripped for no reason and now i think he's making out on the rooftop with some other guy? who are these people
Blame the bisexuality and move on?
I can't believe we broke the fucking lamp.
*i* can't believe believe we broke the lamp fucking.
Your cat ate my taco.
. . . I don't have a cat?
It was laying in your bed. Now it's hunting for more tacos.
Woke up at 5am in an elevator... Pretty much tells you how my weekend went.
Randomize
