The bubbles in my bathtub are singing to me in german....
it's just like freshman year of high school, with more drugs
She put her phone in her underwear and it somehow managed to work it's way into her vagina. she has a BLACKBERRY.
last nights episode of shot friends brought to you by polish vodka and flamingo baseball. pickles cure hangovers.
The girls danced. I drank. Then I danced cause I was drunk. Then I ripped tim's shirt off cause I'm awesome.
My saliva right now is around 7.6% alcohol/volume.
I got blood in my smoothie but it still tastes ok. Fuck glenfiddich.
I was passed out in a bathroom stall. Of course im going to look like shit
It's a lube slip n slide down the hallway now. Details later.
I never turn down an adventure. My life is like a sexual Lord of the Rings.
Eh. Fuck him. He's missing out. I'm legit naked and drinking straight from the bottle of wine.
I was just going for a one night stand and now I'm at breakfast with his entire family.
I've never had someone have to dis-arm themselves before I sucked their dick prior to that
I turned off my domesticated goddess switch over 2 years ago and idk how to turn it back on. So in the mean time I'll dodge this gf bullet and eat free steak for as long as possible
Please come over. It's a pajama and burn-2016-in-effigy party
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