i just made my mom cry by blowing spit bubbles.
So I've officially decided that I AM that drunken mistake that girls hate themselves for in the morning.
I'm not a pervert.. I just like to be naked...
The Masters... another excuse to excessivly start drinking by 1
They are baked and once again have spent the last 45 mins talking about opening up a world wide business called "pickle on a stick"
What's the protocol on showing a video of me sucking the life out of my ex in order to prove beyond a doubt that I give great head???
the man who designed bathrooms to have toilets within easy puking distance from the shower is my hero
He said last night that he'd never had such a great conversation and such a great handjob at the same time.
There are too many people and smells in this elevator for my hangover to handle.
We're discussing which museums we should go to when we shroom. How ill would Picasso be?
I refuse to apologize. Any dick that comes that close to my face uninvited is gonna get bit
We got caught having sex in the bathroom by my professor. In accordance with tradition, we still brofisted. I think my grade went up considerably.
We watched scrubs, then I got a shower blowjob which led to shower sex and the living room floor sex. Now she's baking cookies. I may not be studying, but I'm doing something right.
Dislocated my knee during sex, popped it back in and kept going. Then got simpathy chipotle out of it too.
I legit just quacked out loud at a duck on campus. Realized after that there were people around me, they looked at me funny...
Randomize
