Guys who wear capris make me want to kill endangered species.
why does being broke make me substitute dinner for vodka, Xanax, and two day old cupcakes? I don't like being fat, jittery and drunk.
went out last night and woke up on the bathroom floor again, thinking about just moving my bed in there.
just took my birth control pill with a shamrock shake. happy st. patrick's day
Green mimosas i think yes
I'm not proud of how I threatened that 8 year old during drunken laser tag
Yes I hit her with my car. Yes I gave her a ride home. And yes she gave me her number. What's the problem?
Me and allie were just offered cocaine by a strange man in a women's bathroom. Why have I not lived in Austin my whole life?
So im waiting for someone at grand central and i look up AND THE ENTIRE BALCONY IS FILLED WITH BOY SCOUTS I AM TERRIFIED
My roommate walked in naked grabbed my hand and pulled me into her room to see her randoms dick.
Low key that was incredibly dangerous to let me wield a sword at this point in the night
You peed in a public fountain and then felt bad so you put dish soap in it; 4 ft tall bubbles.
She started waving a nerf rifle around and demanding free booze.
The best thing about last night is when drunk Lauren asked cop if she could smoke a joint in front of him. And next thing I remember she’s smoking weed with a cop. How awesome is that.
dude im trying to eat his ass so can you stop for 10 minutes
Randomize
