he yelled "RELEASE THE KRAKEN" then hit me with his dick
I just heard the term negative masterbation and I don't believe it
You're barking up the wrong lesbian.
Put some vodka in it
Its 7am
put some vodka in it
it's taken me 3 hours to eat this pudding cup. I think I am melting.
She's trying to sext her husband for the first time. I'm feeding her lines. It is 3 am and I am playing Cyrano for my wasted big sister TELL ME I AM NOT THE BEST SISTER IN LAW ON THE PLANET.
My night ended with a French cab driver offering me his sperm free of cost.
I told you you to bring something to share....you brought tequila and a condom
Stocking up on Wasabi powder. Nobody's tampons are safe.
He congratulated me by offering up free orgasms.. I told him I also had a birthday last month we needed to celebrate.. He was there in ten minutes.
Not sure when or why this happened but I just stopped giving a shit about everything
Ive seen a birth plenty of times, pretty awesome like a bear trying to climb out of a volkswagon.
Just as an add on, don't expect me to wear matching bra and underwear. If I do, I'm probably drunk and it's your fucking birthday. Have a great night.
All I can remember from last night was eating nutella and touching myself to Weird Science.
Blacking out in the security line at the airport is not nearly as fun as blacking out in the lunch line at the dining hall.
Randomize
