Telling her that my penis is called megatron was not a good idea for a first date.
Dude if you're in another zip code it doesn't count
You don't understand. I'm not like you.
I'm so high that a hulu ad convinced me to go on healthybaby.com
I tried to throw up out of my window but I forgot there was a mesh screen.
Im am drinking whisky alone in my parents basement. I think I just watched the point of no return stroll by.
We listened to Rod Stewart Pandora and slow danced in the shower.
I'd rather just be alone, than deal with this bullshit. I just want to be alone. Cats and vibrators never let you down.
We spent a good 10 minutes in the morning looking for my clothes. I ended up taking the bus home in my 6inch heels and his baggy t-shirt. The bus was filled with kids... one of them whistled at me.
I tried to walk home in my heels. And I fell into a snow bank. And then I cried and a policeman came up to me and said I can't sit in a snowbank and got me a cab. So maybe that's where I left my credit card. I remember the cop asking me if I was old enough to drink, too. OMG. How embarrassing. Pretty sure I told him to "leave me alone."
well considering the guy who just delivered my cookies had to console me as i had a mental breakdown in front of him i'd say i'm 4/10 right now, thank you
Ate his Chinese food and drank his beer and played with his chihuahua. All while wrapped in a towel while he was sleep.
In the event that Ian's ex wife asks you, tell her I'm sweet snd innocent. No reason.
Lunch?
Massage?
Spanking with handcuffs?
I'm not too sure what happened last night, but by the looks of it, we must have gotten drunk with zebras.
Just convinced the cute guy from class that I have prostate cancer. GET ME OUT OF THIS TOWN!
Randomize
