i study at coffee shops because all these damn artsy people motivate me to work towards a real job.
just went trash diving in my work clothes for weed. A&E's intervention here i come.
theres a difference between trying to make someone happy and letting them fuck you in the ass
Did you just buzz the apartment and throw shit at the window? Josh and rob came into my room and woke me up
Fuck you Ian. U owe me $3.65 cuz thasts what I thfrew at ur window trying to wake ur ass up. And fuck u for not giving a shit
I always enjoy the bewildered gaze as I buy chips, salsa and beer @ 0745.
No I have an idea, I saw you running through the neighborhood at 3am while I searched for my flip flops in a ditch
Woke up on the couch with one cowboy boot on and a hat over my crotch. God bless texas.
He's the only guy without a tacky accent I've seen in this southern dump in 6 months. Bangage was inevitable.
You're such a Yankee.
No one will ever find true happiness until they have gotten stoned and taken off the bra they've been wearing all day.
You, my dear friend, are a poet of the deep mental longings of women worldwide.
So when I walked out, everyone was chanting ONE OF US, someone draped a lei over my head, and then she grabbed my ass and dragged me back into the bedroom. I'd say it was a pretty good night to lose my virginity.
She said she is going to be sex-slave version of Princess Leia for halloween. You think there is any way I could pull off an attractive Jabba suit?
so go get some goddamn bacon and lay in his bed naked. he'll love it.
Current status: so high that I'm unable to have coherent conversation with my mom, but still knew that when my dad said "shpritzy white stuff" I understood that he was trying to think of "whipped cream."
That text took me 10 minutes.
I told my mom Jesus would want me to snort drugs on his birthday
Setting myself up for trouble? Yes. But getting laid is a lot more important at this time.
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