My sheets at my parents place are clean. No braveheart but I can paint myself, yell "freedom", and sword fight you with my cock. So come over.
I may or may not have eaten the rest of your birthday cake last night after getting blazed and watching harry potter.
i think you have the wrong number
so then it wasn't your birthday cake. k, cool.
matt and i tucked you in... you REFUSED to move your head from under the bed.
Which genius got me a voicemail of myself puking?
I just had a threesome in the back of my mom's van. I'm pretty sure the rest of my week is going to be epic.
No, we will not be going out tonight. We are trying to grow the toy donkey in whiskey rather than water. Serious fucking science. Have fun at the boring bar while we Bill Nye it up in this bitch.
Just successfully made home fries from potatoes we used as bowls while stoned as shit. I deserve a trophy.
Fate is real! that hot chick, Megan just showed up dressed as jasmine and I'm dressed as Aladdin this is going to be cake
Idk, you were a drunk pirate that kept stealing pieces of people's costumes to keep as your booty.
That would explain all the random shit in my room...
Who has the safety vest from this past weekend Additionally, who has the dancemaster glove?
Then I did coke with my taxi driver where he then ended up paying me for the drive. You should try being a girl sometime it's super sick.
he's a ginger AND was born with 2 holes in his penis. sleeping with a rare species & I LOVE THE THRILL
Can you get an STD by sharing underwear? Walk of shamed home and realized I was wearing someone else’s panties
No one knows. This doesn’t happen to normal people.
Stupid Covid-19
The universal cock block of this decade
He agreed to matching Christmas pajamas today, no guy does that for a girl he’s not seriously considering marrying.
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