You're only the seventh guy she's ever kissed. Somesones gunna get EPICALLY stalked
omg i finished an entire carton of double double chunk chunk ice cream last night...
what? what exactly is in double double chunk chunk?
self-loathing.
Thursdays are my worst days
but now we sippin champagne when we thirstay?
this isnt the person you just texted but i have her phone. she disappeared when the bacon came home and she hasn't returned since.
Remember that crazy chick I've been ignoring and said I wouldn't bang her again? Can we start that again part today?
they're like a gay fantastic four
i love him because he let me keep my UGGS on while we had sex
He put up a Facebook album attempting to sell off their Harvard furniture. Items for sale include: his friend, a broken lamp, an item described as a 'carpet and/or sleeping bag', a pair of paint stained cargo pants, size 'Tyler', and a self proclaimed $3 bottle of wine, which he is offering for $2
The pastor just stopped the sermon to lay hands on me. THAT hungover.
Guy just came in wearing only shorts, on his hand was written - my name is ... Call ... And tell them where i am, thanx - in permanent marker, ordered his favorite dish, and left w/out touching it. It's snowing outside.
Uh, he still talks to you after you basically sexually harassed him using emojis?
My greatest accomplishment today was eating a box of Thai food the size of a toddler.
Well, you're 18 and dating a 28 year old. Who has a wife. Who isn't you. I would guess that's why your mom frowns upon the relationship.
how drunk are you?
Several
Its a shame I cant put 'bomb ass head game' on my resume.
Randomize
