sorry I missed your bday party.,I was vid chatting with that new guy I'm talking to all night...happy biirthday though
Boys can't fool me. I know "want to come up and meet my dogs?" is just a nondirect way of saying "come up and meet my penis".
just found out this city drinks more beer during oktoberfest than rhode island does in a year.. i'm never leaving
my mom just asked if she should wash your furry handcuffs with the lights or darks
He told the cop he was underage, handed the cop his ID, and the police report read "I then informed the suspect that he was not, in fact, underage"
he was spitting whole peanuts projectile out of his mouth at the waitresses as they walked by and then yelled across the restaurant that he had "no problem kicking any of their asses"
Well you tried to pay for a drink with your keys for one...
That man deserves a slow clap... He defied the power of the vagina
NATIONAL GIVE A BOSTON COP A BLOW JOB BITCH ROAD TRIP NOW
Thought I was doing makeup today for a photo shoot for a short film. WRONG. Try I'm on the set for a Fucking Sci-Fi PORN.
So that prostitue I banged at Steve's bachelor party just texted and invited me to a BBQ at her parents. Never again doubt the power of the cock piercing.
OMG MY DAD TOLD ME HE MIGHT DO TINDER
I just got woken up by that guy wearing a Krispy Kreme hat giving out donuts
I am sweating Crown. It all went wrong when the ratio hit 50-50
I deleted your number after I found out you gave my brother head for drugs.
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