You need to come back and get me. This is not a jersey shore party and he is not dressed as Pauly D and I am about one shot away from hooking up with a real fist pumping Guido.
my girlfriend just compared my daughters eyes to gollum from lord of the rings.
Could you please tell them to stop whispering "thundercunt" every time I walk in the room?
He's spent his last 3 years working at Urban Outfitters. No, I'm not sad I missed out on a life of mustaches, the dollar menu and shitty scarves.
Good, she had spurs on her boots. That is a sign for instant herp attack.
Snuck into a camper in someone's yard. Hotboxing. Can't wait until they go in it.
I think they make you graduate because you get too old to go hard and become a risk. homecoming weekend wins again. fuck.
I think I may have some undocumented and undiscovered std that causes girls to go bat shit crazy. How you got it is beyond me
you said I shouldn't try to fill the void in my meaningless life with dicks but i am trying and it totally works
Our motto for the night: BLACK OUT OR BACK OUT.
That's our motto every night.
I could see myself being this awkward weirdo drunk girl that patted strangers and danced terribly but was powerless to stop it
Did you put Adderal in the fishtank in the lobby? The fish are acting like Olympic sprinters. Asshole.
The comfort of this onesie is keeping me single
Honey you are a beautiful woman but I came over to eat your pizza and fuck your brother. And you're out of pizza.
Sorry I threw up all over your Lyft.
It's ok I woke up next to a dumpster.
Randomize
