I just woke up with the words DO IT on my hand and six beers in my purse.
Sometimes I wish I could peel his face off and use it to take all the money out of his account.
I just figured I'd let u know that you bought a yacht on ebay last night
Bad idea. College students cannot afford both alcohol and a cat. Unless said cat is irish, and can feed itself with fifths of whisky.
She just said, "are my livers going to die?"
get over here now. the boys are doing shots of everclear, chasing with monster, and some dude jsut walked in with a backpack full of tattoo gear.
One last question would your parents let me sleep in your bathtub for the night?
Let's go get our ovaries removed together. It'll be like bonding by getting mani/pedis, but with more vicodin and less unwanted pregnancies.
It looks like a tornado ripped through our living room and scattered clothes everywhere.
Count the bras. It was a category 3 whorenado ... I convinced the lesbians to come back to the apartment for a bottle of wine.
If we tried baptizing you I feel the water would start boiling around you.
I broke her handcuffs. I feel like an animal.
On a side note. I slept with a stuffed giraffe last night. Found it in my bed when I came home and snuggled with it. Drunk me reverted to being 2
I guess she found the pillow case full of vomit I hid last night: "Oh my God. Oh my God. In my fucking FRIDGE?! Really? Hope your dick falls off there's puke all over my food. Fucking die."
I don’t want to brag, but vows, morals and will power are no match for my blow job skills
How was it?
i think i smell bacon but im to sore to walk downstairs. that kinda night
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