Oh just a soda. I'm "driving"
Its already bleeding so dont be alarmed after you bite it
So he ended up having sex with me, but it was so awkward. When it was over, he went to the bathroom, and he came back and asked, "are you on your period or something? there's blood on my dick..." and i said, "well it was supposed to start today, nice surprise...i am so embarrassed." and he said ,"it's better than you queefing." and as soon as he said that, i queef the hardest and loudest i ever had.
I just won unlimited hot dogs for life. I'm so glad I smoked
At least it earned you a couple drinks. And something tells me you've touched grosser things with less incentive.
She drove all the way from Austin to have sex with me. I think it's a safe assumption my dick will have an easy life in college.
I finally looked at the pictures from last night thanks for feeding me and pulling my pants up
Dude, I had no choice. I was defending my genitals.
So we reenacted men's olympic skeet shooting using roman candles and flattened beer cans. That's all
Don't come. It's not even a party it's a total sausage fest. Like 20 drunk dudes in a bedroom. We can still drink by ourselves though it'll be ok
multiple people will be seeing my nips tonight. not mad about it at all
Ps I took your recycling out, the 9 champagne bottles, vodka bottle, and tequila bottle is how I knew it was yours
I would drive 12 hours round trip for you to have an orgasm, cause that's friendship
They were so sore! Either I have bed bugs or you were biting my nipples last night and don't lie to me.
just had an allergic reaction to my dildo. My life is ruined.
Randomize
