9 of the 12 girls i had sex with in college are on facebook
it was an ugly road back then. i'm sure time hasn't been friendly.
A guy just tried to send me a pic of his penis & my phone sent me a disclaimer saying "the components were unsuitable for your terminal"
Even your phone knows you shouldn't sleep with him...
cum and cheesecake for breakfast...don't fucking tell me pride week isn't awesome
Maybe if i steal enough bar glasses i can justify all the money spent i've spent there
I just feel like Im gonna be remembered as that one RA guy that used to sell weed
Alright I don't know how you'll link it to me but yes I left a nearly empty 12 pack on your trunk
Mom brought home a 36 pack of Smirnoff and was all "ring any bells?" and then winked. I'm scared. What does she know?
I just ASL-ed someone for the first time since 2002.
MAYDAY. glass in foot, have crush on guy with mullet.life is over.
She dressed up in a sexy maid outfit for me, but she got mad when I asked her to actually do some cleaning.
I just shaved my "bikini area" into a fucking pizza slice
Maybe he injected his testicle?
She looked so much better when u didn't look at her and the music was too loud to hear her
So is seeing the guy's penis that I'm talking to something you're into or nah?
Did you smoke and go to the aquarium again?
Randomize
