no but I have been chillin' like em' homeboys in the rainforest yo!
after he came i started crying. just to fuck with his head.
OK, the bar's closing. Do I go to home to my wife or my girlfriend?
Just so you know, I'm standing in my bra eating cereal. My keys were in the cereal box.
I just had a 30 minute fake cell phone conversation with myself just to avoid hooking up with the drunk guy next to me. its like an art form.
I'm puking to John Mayor, save me. Or at least change it to somethong beyyt
I had fun watching you interact with the world around you. Like a fuckin 8 year old kid who just discovered build a bear but really wants a cigarette.
I'll just have to do enough fangirling for the both of us. Nipples engaged.
He offered to buy me free breakfast if I stayed at the hotel overnight with him. I then realized they have a complimentary breakfast.
all i know is there's a picture on my phone of him wearing my purple sweatpants and licking the bottom of my foot.
So the dog chewed my vibrator last night. It added a nice new texture actually.
If you ever feel goofy just think of the fact that I just shaved the batman symbol into my pubes
i asked my neighbor to open a bottle of vodka once and then we slept together
she just punched him in the balls in front of everyone and yelled "YOU SEE WHAT YOU MADE ME DO"
Can you imagine doing supermarket sweep in a sex store? What's the sex store equivalent of a whole ham?
Randomize
