Whod you bang
i keep myself tagged when other girls look bad/ugly so i look better
Someone just asked me to go to the dining hall for dinner and he will use one of his swipes to pay for my meal. i think this is a college version of a date
She has more profile pics than tagged pics. narcissism at its best.
You were in the corner dancing by yourself yelling "I look good", when really you looked ridiculous and drunk
i feel like god sat there all night pointing and laughing at me
First off, get on bc solely in preperation for this event. Second, as my little sister you have a lot of whore to live up to.
being pregnant is like rehab
I beat my mom's friend's boyfriend in a vodka chugging competition. Our generation FTW.
The sun and I are not on speaking terms this morning
There's a naked man in my car right now.
I wanna just rip ass and see his reaction but i bet itd be better to shatter that illusion when hes drunk
As a heterosexual male nursing student, the odds are ever in my favor. My first semester has basically been The Horny Games. I've killed almost all of the competitors at this point.
I'm eating Doritos at 9am because last nights weed is just now starting to wear off
I wrote a pretty good eulogy, too. Motherfucker pastor had no sense of comedic timing.
Randomize
