No more parties with babies... I can't do that again.
the third sister isn't as attractive as the other two but I will do her anyway to finally pull off the fabled family hat trick.
Someone left a shot of disaronno in a champagne glass here this morning... flip a coin?
why is allison so mad at me??
me and her walked into dans and you yelled "hello my dear alli, you're looking mighty overweight today!".
crap..
what date should I let him know how fucked up I am?
He just reenacted his orgasm in front of my roommates....using a squeeze bottle of mayonnaise.
Totally using formspring as an incognito way of making sure that girl from last night wasn't jailbait.
I woke up and blew hamburger out my nose. That kinda night.
I'm lying on the floor in the back room praying my boss doesn't come to work today.never again
So the guy who is making our IDs is in jail now for attempted murder, with no bail...
So no fakes?
So I know we're not talking about this anymore buuuuuut I left heel marks on the wall.
I hate being near you and not being able to do what I want. It's like a recovering alcoholic tending bar. I feel like Sam Malone. Except I can't bang the cute chick I work with.
Would 7 layered rainbow jello shots entice you?
We were getting breakfast he shit himself in the middle of ihop. Mid bite he just yells out o fuck.
My mom found my empty case that I hid in my room and just said "now why don't you be a responsible underaged drinker and throw it in the recycling" and walked away. I'm in shock.
Randomize
