Dude that chick had her name tattooed in Japanese characters between her b-cups. I kept calling her Toyota.
Would love to except that I crashed into a hearse in a funeral procession about an hour ago so I think that pretty much put an end to my day.
is it too early in the day to continue our conversation about penis shapes?
He keeps the condoms in his bible. I guess stairs or elevator, we're getting to hell one way or another.
Is "blowjob enthusiast" a bad costume?
I can'nr wwn explain this nihght . So amnt dixks. Shitttttt.
Well, love is in the air. And by that I mean: it seriously smells like sex in here.
Please tell me your aunt didn't see the Brita pitcher full of condom wrappers. We had at least 100.
Wtf are freshmen gonna think when the first thing they see in a pale 6'4 white kid with a mustache yelling ya man and we be liming in a Trinidadian accent
Do you think we could brew coffee with beer? I'm thinking a hazelnut Guinnesspresso can only end with pure awesome.
My black heart of coal cannot compete with your boiling crock pot of teddy bears, rainbows, 90s music, and the good candy you get from rich people on Halloween.
You realize we were screaming in the car about our apartment next year because we can "bring home randoms whenever we want" and "stare at each other from our door ways"
My fridge door just caught on fire somehow.
Remember the golden rule, wine is for baths, and beer is for showers.
What should've been a 10 minute beer run turned into her having a 40 minute mental breakdown in my car while in the parking lot. She then asked if she could live at my house and be my girlfriend. Her finishing act was stealing my peanut m&m's.
Well, when a girl introduces herself as "stormy" and gets your number from her boyfriends phone, I'd say that your situation is to be expected.
Randomize
