my "about me" section on Facebook should read "hell-bound alcoholic who wants to fuck a 40-year-old crackhead"
You tired to make Beefaroni in the Mr. Coffee machine.
That's the last time we joust in Radio Flyer wagons after margarita night.
I don't know, I don't really wanna ask the question, "Mom why am I not circumcised?"
There are going to be so many Snookis this Halloween that I might just dress as the guy that hit her and punch them all in the face
so the good news is that i can't possibly burn my eyelashes off tonight at the bbq.
i knew it was time to leave the bar when i caught myself doing karate dance moves with a married man.
i feel like i got punched in the cervix. he's a little different in bed than i thought he would be..
I just want to have beer shits in my own bathroom. Is that too much to ask for?
I spent the whole ride asking the cabbie if people ever have sex back there, and if he wanted me to make that number one higher.
You don't come back from leaving a bag of shit on someone's counter Jill
I'm pretty sure I hallucinated the existence of an entire human being last night.
I just want to trace his tattoos with my tongue
You know you have a good math teacher when we're talkIng about mixture problems and no one gets it until he explains it by talking about mixing alcohol
The Adderall says yes, but my body says no.
Randomize