omg, he ripped it...he ripped my vagina...best. night. ever.
Left my ID again and at a Giant's game. This is the second time they accepted my handgun safety certificate as proof of ID to buy beer.
I just tried to put my feet in my slippers and found cans of beer in them. Christmas in fucking july.
I was about to go down on her and her dong flopped out and hit me in the chin. This may have a Nam like post-traumatic-stress-disorder effect on me.
I think I've lost the thrill of being a slut. It's just that the newness has worn off, I think.
Sometimes one must go to great lengths and make great sacrifices to get drunk. I willingly accept the challenge.
i have at this current moment imbibed enough alcohol to float immerse or otherwise submerge a goat of respectable size. tequila
He just remixed a spongebob song with 2 chainz..... Clearly I love him
My dog misses eating marshmallows out of your butt when you're passed out. That bordered on sex abuse, now that I think about it. My bad.
All his ex-girlfriends are delicate flowers, tho. And I'm like a trash compactor.
I wouldn't worry about it. You know what they say, THICK THIGHS MAKE THE DICK RISE.
She's one of those people who could be either 16 or 23. In which case she's too old for me or in dangerously jailbait territory for you, bro.
how soon in a friendship can you start calling them a motherfucker
Imma make him fuck me with my jersey on tonight while I chant Go Jets Go. Gotta love playoff hockey szn.
within five minutes of being here her dog found my vibrator in my bedroom and was carrying it around all proud! and her mom is here. so embarrassing :(
the orange of my hangover Tang is hurting my eyes... my coworkers knew it was hangover Tang too.
Randomize
