There's a 34yo winking at me. Why do i find this weird when my bf is a 38yo married man?
i have a dinosaur tramp stamp
I seriously fake cumming more than i poop.
So, after having sex with my 4th overweight girl in 2 weeks, I've decided Charlie Sheen syndrome is ruining my life.
Whats the count minus fat chicks?
i'm satisfied with the level of pretty that his new girlfriend isn't.
She started ignoring us once we told her we were out to celebrate your abortion. Who knew strippers could be judgemental?
Drunk you assumed that me saying I thought squirrels were cute meant for you to trap one in my car by luring it in with ham. You're going to hell for this.
Speaking of testosterone. I saw a girl with a moustache thicker than one I can grow last night...
Everything was going great until my fake mustache fell off when we started making out.
I really want to throw this drink in your face but it was 6 dollars that shits expensive
I wish drunk me wasn't so into manscaping. Or at least good at it. Either or really
I feel like there's no sexy way to pull 12 condoms out of your bra.
I taught her to play Monopoly. She sold me her bra to keep from going bankrupt.
this new dose of ADD meds is totally being waisted with the unemployed new graduate thing if only I could add my hyper focused side effects to a coverletter
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