Racial profiling caused me to miss two cabs but the third cabs the charm - he's playing Jesus Music
it sounded like he was fisting a can of crisco.
using my metrocard to split lines. it says optimism on the back. i am optimistic that you will appear at my door and help me finish all these drugs.
just got a hand job during a movie in class today is gonna be great!
Just toasted a glass of brandy with my own reflection to my dimples. Why are you not here?
How the hell can the Olympic committee frown so much on weed and yet put on a show you would have to be high to actually enjoy?
it's kind of nice to have a picture of me making out with someone and actually know who it is for once
You know its a good sign when a girl asks who everyone is AFTER she flashes her tits to the room.
After so many times of carrying your puked covered clothes home in a bag on a Tuesday morning, you begin to realize that Fucked Up Mondays aren't a real thing.
I didn't get a chance to take any pics but the mental snapshot of her boyfriend calling her directly after we finished was a really special moment I wish I could properly share with you.
You know it's been a successful day when the only reason you put on a bra was to take off your shirt
It's not even 6 am and I've already told my mom to fuck herself in the face
I'm still alive btw, in case you were worried about my well being.
I'm not saying I'm planning to hook up tomorrow but I'm also not saying I'm unprepared for it
Pretty penis doesn't make up for awkward eye contact.
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