He quoted an N'sync song to confess his attraction to me. Needless to say, I had sex with him.
90% of the problems in your life are directly related to your vagina
Oh my god. Oh my god. Oh my god. I drunk emailed a professor on friday. Oh my god. Oh my god.
Been drinkin since 3, wearing a tutu, how could things go wrong
I had forgotten what it was like to go to all four classes. It's exhausting.
Brought a cooler and a case to a parade. I'm getting dirty looks since it's 10:30. Telling people it's for the troops.
hey as creepy as this sounds i still have your eyelashes on my desk
I asked you how much you drank and you replied with "I don't know what kind of toothpaste I use."
I'm pretty sure my moms getting nailed in the bathroom right now while I'm chaperoning. God damn it.
Would it be weird if I told you I thought of you when I masturbated?
Looks like I'm more than just your Mexico mistake...
They shouted last call and the guy next to me and I looked each other up and down and went in unison "yup, you'll do"
All i hear is "BITCH BETTER HAVE MY HONEY" and i turn around and there is a dude in a bear costume. It was fur real.
My new successful method of booty calling is sending a screencap of a map with the shortest route from their location to mine highlighted.
It's like God tapped him on the shoulder and said "You are now capable of giving world shattering, tear jerking head."
When you're trying to sneak from the bathroom to your room with dildo, but it glows in the dark and suddenly your entire life is illuminated in the shape of dick
Randomize
