Watching this movie and saying "drink every time you see an animal" was a bad idea...circle of life...holy crap
I just threw up while getting a haircut. I'm never trying to accomplish stuff with a hangover again.
gpnpr hd vmdd nm the ggrl whm was mn my lar
I need you to use more vowels.
Hey. Can you be so hung over that you get a rash?
He doesn't belong with God. He belongs face-down in a pile of his own excrement, vomit, blood and semen. Then pissed on by Satan.
Kinda sad when you get home on a Sunday morning and the paper guy HAND DELIVERS the newspaper to you...,
He came up to me looked at my tits said they were huge, rated them a 7 and then asked if girls really do masterbate. To make it better, he put his hand up to my face and said his penis is longer than my face...
Now I have the walk of shame to give the receptionist the bathroom key back, I've had it for 20 minutes. I should just smile and wink. She knows what went down.
Well. I guess talking about me stealing your wife may not be in the list of legit conversations
I just can't even fathom the crazy and I work at a mental hospital.
Oh my god I'm in a public bathroom with a space heater. I never want to leave
Goddamnit, guys. I got lube all over my kindle.
I can't remember the last time I saw a penis in person that I didn't see a million times on text first
Jesus when did you leave my house? I found 2 bottles of wine, vodka, and a book with blow all over it wondering if I was read bedtime stories
Having Father’s Day on Pride weekend is always so awkward. “Hey dad just calling to say I love you.” While I’m navigating my way through a pop up pool at a bar riding a penis floatie. Happy Father’s Day.
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