i gained so much weight this year, i put on my string bikini underwear and couldnt see the string anymore! i hate my life.
hot girl, 5 o clock
do you know how to read a clock?
her last google searches are 'cheap african safari' and 'what does lion taste like'
I want to give my boyfriend great head for his birthday...can i practice on you?
I spit up blood this morning
That's vegas.
She passed out on the kitchen table with two mickeys forties duct taped to her hands. Clearly she is going to fit perfectly in your house this semester
My mom got me high and then dropped me off at a church.
I've abandoned trying to find a logical explanation of your life.
So you get idea of what my night was like, I woke up this morning and the back of my head was orange
A little boy in a bathroom stall just shouted "mom where's your penis?? Is it inside you?"
Now that mom and dad sold the camper, do you think it's okay to talk about all the sex I had in it?
She proceeded to flip everyone off then open a Heineken with her teeth.
Oh my god if I have to go on fetlife to find a guy who will fuck me right around here, I'm going to scream.
Did you really eat 10 ice cream cones today?
It was tough but I powered through it.
Tequila should only be paired with the finest of dick
we went book shopping, so yes this relationship is going to be about more than sex
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