I have two black x marks on my hands.
Yep you got cut off last night after a stripper bent over in front of you and you screamed very loudly 'I can see your soul from here'
damnit I wish I could remember that.
She challenged me to a game of rock-paper-scissors for her virginity. I love this girl.
she was stuffing dove chocolates in my mouth while giving me a blow job. GOD I LOVE VALENTINES DAY
So yes, he's hot, a scorpio, an artist and a perfect cock. I think my bi train just arrived in gay town.
Can you send me the video of that girl that got arrested last night? I'm gonna try and hit that and I need something to break the ice with.
Was that not clear on Friday when I nearly deapthroated two ice cubes?
well his nickname is liver of steel so it makes sense that his balls follow suit. tell him i say sorry
I told your dad we had a nice lunch and hung out for awhile. It seemed more appropriate than "I had a bite of his canned chili and then we ripped each others clothes off."
I'll give you $10 to get a dick pic with a gecko on it.
In sex ed. they really need to include a lesson on saying tampon in foreign languages, just in case.... Trying to ask the woman at the reception desk, who barely speaks English, for one just turned into an awkward game of charades.
Bless her heart. Her stupid, drunk, adderall-ed heart.
To the point, I hope I remember where to put my dick when I finally get laid again
You have a 50 50 chance
Why was I lying under a truck last night?
Just shared a bacon biscuit with my cat.... Life is weird for me right now
I had sex with two guys in one day. One on my grandma's couch, one on a golf course. This is the greatest post-surgery accomplishment I could ask for.
Randomize
