I GPSed you we're an hour and 14min away from each other
and it's going to stay that way
remember about an hour ago when i told you i was never drinking again? i may or may not be mixing malibu with caprisun. just saying.
I'm at a party with that guy you made out with on new years. He remembers your name!
Just desperately used the "it's a boy" cigar I saved from my\nnephews birth to roll a blunt
we just finished making mockaritas... then we prayed
god you guys know how to party
worst. bachelorette party. ever.
wanna go with us to feed the ducks bread soaked in vodka?
how could i say no?
i think i had to give the cab driver my id to get home last night because i couldnt talk.
dude you need a shock collar for some of the things you say when you're drunk.
the thought 'we cant do it, we're in a public place' crossed my mind, and then I realized he's succeeding if he's trying to domesticate me.
elevator sex. pronto.
I.V.'s should just be available for purchase at Walmart. God I'm dehydrated.
Girl we've come a long way since our first Brazilian wax
Reading an example in the GRE study book referencing Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles while wearing TMNT pajamas. *airfist*
omg please tell me you're eating pizza right now too.
He's not very smart so he didn't know I was yelling at him with monologues from Scandal.
I don't think he liked your vagina hand signal
I'm like a great zombie Jesus.
Randomize
