dude she wont stop talking about little people big world...she said my penis looked like zach roloff and took a picture with her phone?
You remember correctly you did get a golf cart ride out but it wasnt because you were special. You were so smashed you were screaming tiger at random golfers in the middle of there backswing.
2 classes, 3 finals, and $30 worth of adderall until this semester is over.
I know, but I was really high and I felt like a failure dragon because I could only blow smoke, no fire.
Sometimes I stop and laugh and think "and these are my actual life choices".
You know you're a whore when you color code your calendar with who you slept with on what day incase you have ANOTHER pregnancy scare
and ive been naked for the greater part of the evening. alone, drunk, and naked. i think that is how all great interventions start.
ahhhh just came to creep and you're not there AND your thong you were wearing last night is on the floor..someone has some explaining to do
I gave the guy a $20 tip on a $9 cab ride, he thought I was just bad at math but I was really just incredibly thankful to be alive and home.
I was like "don't worry, I'm a math major and you deserve the shit out of that 222% tip"
no, I didn't go in the end. Too hungover and hot, plus Star Wars is on so obviously I'm having a naked day.
The bump on my forehead, i think, was from falling asleep at front door, on my knees, slumped over. But we played good music so what?
I just had drunken sex with an eagle scout behind the boy scouts of america building. what has my life come to?!
A bitchslap is in order.
We still getting married? Or were you day drinking
You kept crying and I couldnt help but laugh at you, I was really high though.
Randomize
