we are all sexual creatures
yea maybe. but you're not. you're not getting any.
Her cooch smelled like a combination of bacon and sweat.
I caved and texted him. But it's strictly drug dealing business so it doesn't count.
We had sex on my friends waterbed ..after that the whole school kept asking him if he had fun getting "sea-sick" last night.
I knew you were drunk when you poured scotch on a croissant and ate it.
if you really think there are plastic pots safe for the stove i fear for your future landlords.
I'm doing laundry in pjs and heels, home alone with my margarita bucket.
I think "I actually like giving blow jobs better" qualifies her as a keeper
I did nothing besides stay sober all night, I walked home to find max naked knocking cups off the counter with his cock lol
Your friends turned off our power in the basement and when we went to turn it back on I got sprayed in the face with a fire extinguisher. FYI.
sooo the guy I beat last night in strip pong is the manager's husband at my new job...
You are the jesus of drinking
You were holding onto her boobs like you were adrift at sea and they were the only flotation devices
Idk she seemed really innocent until she snorted that line of vicodin
I'm like a bad decision making factory. I need to sit down and have a chat with my decision making elves.
Randomize
