I love my bros weed
Im gonna hate it in like 20 mins though
i know we're in college but you cant booty call me at 3 in the afternoon. i dont care how drunk you are.
The coffee and champagne are fighting over who gets to absorb the one pancake in my stomach
He is passed out on the kitchen floor. He will fight you if you disturb him. Just a warning.
naw. unless you want me to sit in a corner, not understand english and eat all of your cheese then i don't think it's a good idea.
Sadness tears and throw up everywhere
When did you hit me on the head with a stool?
It's like a bag of dicks covered in taint sweat pounding a pregnant baby walrus.
This juggling 3 dicks is getting exhausting
I thought I was smashed last night but the girl trying to pee in the fridge had me beat. True story.
People have been asking me if I'm going to the reunion lately. It occurs to me that everyone wants me there to feel that much better about themselves.
The more I drank he just got hotter and hotter. And then the mustache didn't look too bad
I'm not sure why he thinks weird that I masturbate AND look at pinterest at the same time.
Omg my orgasm just made the fucking sun come out. Clearly my libido controls the weather now.
What the fuck were you guys talking about?
Lube wrestling.
Oh, makes sense.
Randomize