i was rollin on her like bob the builder
so now she's a stripper
can't say i'm surprised
bruce springsteen sings some of the most romantic songs i've ever heard.
the hells wrong with u
Still at the library. i hate tax accounting so much that i've started calling it potions...
I miss being able to drink at 11am just cause it was sunny outside.
Just accidentally pinched my dick between two 50 pound dumbbells while doing shoulder shrugs. God hates me.
some drunk guy just paid $3 for each cig that i picked up off the ground. the cigs that he threw on the ground. I might just follow him the rest of the night
It's 5:30am in Vegas and I'm eating McDondalds next to crying prostitutes.....low point.
I told him that his face would look perfect between my legs. One of my most successful strategies yet.
On a scale from 1 to the worst weekend of my life, that was an 11. I can see again, though.
Neat. I'm thinking about growing a handlebar muffstache. What are your thoughts on this?
I wish I cared about making my vagina as presentable as you do.
Just fat and dog and sweat all over the bed. All night long.
Do not ever get that redhead chem major high. Gave her a magic brownie and she sat in a corner and literally cried about organic chem. Never again.
You shoulda seen me try and clean up custard from an eclair off the floor while trying to pretend to be sober for my mom. Fucking hilarious.
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