oh great. the only prospects for sex left for the night are douchebag in the ed hardy shirt & frodo-looking ass
fuck it... i'll be the lord of his rings
Ate pizza for the 3rd time today, can't decide if that's disgusting or an amazing aspect of American culture.
dude, there's a fucking musical in my head. it's fucking awesome being this high.
Should I feel bad that my boyfriend pays for my birth control and his friends get to reap the benefits?
You stumbled in the house, mumbled something about a cheese party, grabbed a block of cheese and the whiskey, and left.
Just you wait I'll be crying and puking everywhere in no time
The picture that pops up when I call her phone is a picture of my nipple. Just so you're forewarned.
I just don't fit in here. The other wives are ten years older and have kids!
Well, you chose trophy wife of a 35 year old over college. Sit in your suburban soup and stew.
We're just Facebook friends. Use guy logic. I tapped your wife in high school, 20 years and 60 lbs ago, when she was hot and experimental. Why would I mess with that now? It would ruin the vivid memories of her that I keep in my spank bank.
I will find you...
Oh okay. That's fine. I'll buy us both dinner when you bail me out
It's a post jail date
Just took adderall with about half a bottle of red wine...i have stopped trying for this last exam
steve's beating me 4-2 in our "sexually confusing straight people" competition. steve is a wizard. this is not a drill.
I just used an Amazon gift card from a student to order a new vibrator....teacher of the year
IT'S LIKE LOOKING INTO GOD'S VAGINA!!!!
the cops drove by and you were on your back in the middle of the side walk with your arms and legs in the air yelling that you were a dead bug .
Randomize
