Oh shit, I think we need to get you a hobby that doesn't include penises
Please don't use social media to get back at me.
I found your twin in sf. His name is ryan. And you are the evil one.
my momz letting me make the christmas card in photoshop
so that means christmas in space?
imma make our dead cats ghosts like obi wan kenobi
I dont know how to say this. But the hottest girl where im at has one arm.
Currently doing my walk of shame down a floating dock. No more guys who live on a boat EVER AGAIN
you never texted me what you wanted from the store so I got a piece of chicken and bottle of tequila. if you want anything else you are on your own.
You made out with my dog and told me he tasted like a rainbow.
His balls are like really small, like dog sized balls. It was a weird discovery. Ever done a guy with dog sized balls?
Why do I have "apologize to Dave Coulier" written on my hand?
Of all the kinds of relationships I've had in my life, I'd have to say, lab-partner-with-benefits takes the fuckin cake
But he's super into Jesus and I'm the devil. So we weren't meant to be
You know you're an upperclassmen when you go to a party with no makeup, wet hair, weed socks, and no shoes, take a shot ski, then leave
I'M GOING TO DIE ALONE WITHOUT ANYONE PRETENDING TO BE A MARRIED COUPLE WHILE DRUNK AT A MALL WITH ME
well you're talking to a woman who had glorious sex less than 24 hrs ago so my opinion is biased.
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