No more parties with babies... I can't do that again.
I just high-fived this girl after she swallowed.
i need to break up with him. i realized this while i was making a mental grocery list while we were having sex. this is not the first time i've done that.
i just overheard someone saying that they invented the 'tequila mockingbird' last night. sorry, but i found better friends
I just don't know what he sees in my vagina...and that scares me.
I think I'm still fucked. I can see the electricty going through the street car lines
I'll offer my penis as collateral. You can hold title to it till I pay you back.
I just spent the last ten minutes making a timeline of my sex life. 2010 and 2011 I am calling "I can't believe Im still clean" years.
One day, tell me please to stop buying shots when I'm overwhelmed. I might have just broken a tooth
My motherfucking vibrator ran out of batteries right when I was about to orgasm. It's like he's possessed everything sexual in my life and has compelled it to NOT SATISFY ME.
I CAN ONLY BE THE BIRDIE ON YOUR SHOULDER WHO LEADS YOU INTO BAD DESCISIONS
Willing booties have sort of a tractor beam for me.
After a crazy night, morning sex is just trying to find a position where you can thrust without getting seasick.
he's the kind of guy you give a fake number to and he still finds out your real number anyway...
I think I left my bra and my crocs in your room
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