Dude, just got a bummer.
What??
A blow job from a homeless chick.
Holy shit. Do you realize what this means? Officially all of my ex-bfs are either dead or gay
Toga everclear = hospital visit... Im sure the paramedics hate me right now
Oh and probably wearing a life jacket instead of clothes didn't help things either
currently taking a solo cab to the strip club at 1 in the morning. this is healthy.
Can you work for me at 4? We might have just taken some drugs we found in the couch and... end of story
YOU MAKE ANAL SEX SOUND LIKE A SPORTING EVENT
You blacked out at 9:30 and insisted on sleeping in the hallway after you chugged an entire pitcher of beer. I guess the Jell-O shots were stronger than we thought...
Sometimes intelligent conversation doesn't mix well with a romantic interest. It's possible the two are best kept separate. Toys should just stay in the toy box.
Yeah, great now I will be tampon girl
"can you come pick me up from the ikea parking garage i think i slept here"
I opened the door, threw up on the street, wiped my mouth and flashed a thumbs up to all of the cars behind us and kept on driving
I need to align my fucking chakras
you thought the best thing to say to him was "you aint no fuckin cop"
Did April legit get married in a parking lot?
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