During sex she told me I could do anything I wanted to her. You remember that toy lightsaber we bought at Wal Mart?
Operation Purity has been aborted
The only thing I really remember is repeating "I hope I still have a job on Monday". Oh and pulling my boob out of my dress.
So I take it the company Christmas dinner went well then...
at what point did you see referring to the bartender as 'the white precious' a good idea??
Just saw a cop give four blondes gas for their car on their way to Vegas. They seriously ran out of gas and called 911 about it. Its like a porno plot.
I swear, its like my old fuck buddies have a 6th sense for when I'm going to be daydrunk. Then they start texting me. And then I start sexting them
Post-shopping-cart-scooter-jousting victory fuck?
By the way when you were super fucked up last night, you ate cat food and tried to tell me it was healthy for you
Ok fuckface listen up and listen good. 1.calling dibs on a chick out of your league is like applying for a job with a highlight video 2. dont fucking ski down the stairs again 3. if you do, put it on your highlight video
PA to anyone at the party last night and wondering where your pants are: they are in my backyard.
yea sometimes its awkward. but when you're a straight bartender at a gay bar and everyone knows it, they all think that they can make me turn gay. its like oh yea dude that extra $20 tip makes me want to suck some dick now
And then you two got up and shouted in near perfect unison "I'M ALWAYS A SLUT FOR BASKIN ROBBINS" The bar just looked at us horrified.
No, gay couples have the same problems straight ones do; I wish that we could go back to the days when he would shit with the door closed.
I'm still here... I feel so bad wearing your mom's cardigan at a strip club 🙈
We were having sex but then he spanked me and i punched him but it was just a reflex i swear
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