All I remember is yelling at him to admit he liked Bon Jovi, then accusing him of giving love a bad name.
No, I was feeling sad because all of the other girls were like model-skinny. But then I remembered that I had big boobs and went to hit on their boyfriends.
He probably put up nude pics. He seems like that kind of guy.
How many times can you lose to your mom in beer pong before you can no longer show your face around campus?
Just had sex in the basement of the library... I knew I was paying $120,000 for something more than a law degree
my mom just poured a water bottle of wine to take my dog on a walk...
The bridesmaid just threw up on herself. This is going to be the best wedding ever
I had to rub one out before the Shabbat dinner in case I find a nice Jewish girl to fuck me in the bathroom.
Your mother would be so proud
So I'm dropping a fat deuce at work, and the lock on the stall door slips and the door slides open, when suddenly someone comes in. Now I have two options, I can either get up quickly and try to shut the door quickly (not easy to do with one hand) or I can just sit there and play it off like it's no big deal and I always dump at work with the door open. I chose option two, and it was as awkward as it sounds.
Whatever the emoticon is for "balls deep". That.
It's shark week go big or go home
you're not celebrating your 21st birthday right unless you give a male stripper a hand job, flash the bartender, and win a free vibrator.
How many gummy vitamins can I eat before I die
Booze, boobs, blunts and batman. dude, I'm livin' the life.
I'm eating cold pizza from work and drinking beer from a wine glass trying to decide if I want to shower or just rub one out and go to sleep. How have I ever gotten laid?
Because you're really hot before taking the time to actually get to know you.
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