Don't forget I'm 20 now
I liked you more when you were 19
about to play the homeward bound drinking game. alone. what are you doing tonight?
Just walk-of-shame'd past fifteen little girls at summer camp. Take a good look girls, I am you in twelve years.
She wants an explanation of my cousins creepy foot fetish with my god sister. i don't know how I can sum this up in a text.
On an unrelated side note: I shall now attempt to crawl to the bathroom. Where I will lay motionless on the cold ceramic bathtub with hot water pouring over my shivering body as I desperately try not to vomit. Good day.
His thanks his mom for not having an abortion at his wedding toast. I love frat weddings.
I find it worrying that she bit me in bed. Then proceeded to write her name in bite marks. All without ever losing the rhythm of our fucking.
She wouldn't put out on the first date. I think my boner put a hole in my mattress.
Cute underage boy is in my house.
OH MY GOD. DON'T DO ANYTHING. WHY IS HE IN YOUR HOUSE.
So I got hit in the face with a frying pan. So def wont be at work for first break if I'm there at all
No one likes a giant penis on their phone screen. I mean cmon. I'm a lady.
anyone who texts me today gets a complimentary picture of my mangled foot. starting with you.
ewwwww wtf when you left last night you were fine?
He wants to make me arch my back "like I'm having an exorcism". Not sure if I'm turned on or freaked out.
she walked through the crowd, completely naked, slapped a pool attendant in the face and stole the towel he was carrying. she used it to dry her hair.
I just realized it's officially fall..I had sex while watching Halloween
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