I wish they had nachos that got you drunk
you took a scissor and started screaming "I WANNA KNOW WHAT ITS LIKE TO BE BALD"
he is so annoying
so stop sleeping with him
yeah but he is so hot when i'm drunk
i woke up with "only hugh can prevent florist friars" written up my arm ... i need to know what we did last night
i've already watched her fall off the steps, walk up on our porch and try to dance with the dog, and stumble across the street to stand outside the neighbors window...is it taking it too far to watch this rando girl and some guy have sex behind our parking lot now?
She's thinkin about havin beer pong at her reception... She's walkin a fine line between trashy and the best idea ever
her bf's celebrating 10 yrs of service at kfc...it's safe to say all the good men are taken
I have six drafts of messages to you that just say "blood" and I have no idea where they came from.
im sober
you just pulled your sweatpants out of your bag and thanked them for being alive
Cover your phone. Photos of streaking frat guys incoming.
Everyone heard you scream that I was to be naked, in your bed in 5 minutes. We were one hell of a shitshow spectacle
I'm asking you this because you're my dad....is coke a drug I should try?
Idk if I deserve a medal or a one way ticket to hell
dude you pointed at my dad's crotch and said I'd tap that. I didn't even know you were gay.
Made it to the top o the stairs ALIVE YES FUCJ YOU GRAVITY
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