Just saw a man being put through a dui test on the side of the road... it was noon and he was on a bicycle. God bless texas.
Judging by what's in the bathroom right now, I see you graced us with your presence last night.
Slugs feel like vagina... thought you would want to know
I'm 99% sure I high fived a girl over mashed potatoes last night
We're cuddling on the couch that me and his brother had sex on...this feels wrong
I'll throw in a blow job for your kind ways. Or another booty call. I'm poor and not very imaginative. This is all I have to offer- the unicorn like wonders of my vagina.
My mom slipped a condom in my pocket along with a sticky note that said "be safe sweetie."
You need to braveheart it on Monday. Blue face paint and a loin cloth screaming freedom in your front yard.
The gay is strong with you! You're more concerned about my outfit than my safety.
I think he's speaking German to me now
Nevermind, he's just drunk and not texting properly
You're like Jane Goodall in a forest of gay men. Someday your autobiography will be called "Bottoms in the Mist".
Speaking of mom and dad and Halloween... Mom bought a size small slutty nurse outfit last night. So yeah, they're getting hammered
Yeah you're weird. You once told me you would by me a house in the middle of sex. Like as you were thrusting.
I'm supposed to be at work in 10 min, I just woke up and am 45 min away...tinder for the win
I wrote him a note at the end of the final. I'm hoping I can flirt my way in to an A or B
Randomize
