i hate having sex with him only a few drinks in. i like it better when i cant remember the gory details.
i just identified you from a description of your pipe
She just got in car wreck. Wreck sex is better than break up sex
you had "tips for anal sex" in your google search history this morning. how was your sunday night?
Judging by my dry clothes and wet sheets, I think I might have gotten out of bed, pissed ON it, covered it up, and passed out on top of it
So I woke up in a strange bed with a note taped to my arm giving me directions back to my brothers apartment.
HOW IS IT EARTHLY POSSIBLE TO DO THAT MUCH DAMAGE WITH JUST MY THUMBS?? HOW???
Well I'm in the bathtub smoking a bowl and eating doritos and frosting so I might not be the one to advise you on this shit but I'll try.
We knew we were dealing with a pro when some random guy at the bar thew you over his shoulder and you still didn't spill your drink
Strangely enough, that's not the first time that's happened
I almost stopped mid bj to let him know I appreciated his balls being nice to look at/have my face near. But I didn't know if that would ruin, or improve the moment.
You were trust falling into bushes
I'm hammerd and his penis is still the size of a giraffe's neck
You know the rule about how you feel bad for getting food and not offering other people you're around, does that apply when you eat burger king at a strip club?
While he was fucking me, he just stopped and said, "Mike says Hi." Then proceeded to fuck me.
What did you do?
What do you say to that!? But, when I came, I screamed out my full name.
Naw dude theres seriously a lobster in my sock drawer. Why?
Randomize
