Listen the way I know if I'm drunk is if I have stage fright in the pisser if I do then I'm not drunk! And I definitely still do right now!
i don't plan on having that self control this summer
I just woke up and i'm wearing a cape and it says sup slut on my ass
My roommate just did the walk of shame in last nights corset back to our room to find her dad there. THATS why i go to school out of state.
How come ATM is perfectly acceptable, yet not washing your hands after you poo is socially reprehensible?
I am growing concerned with the number of people here in cowboy hats
And then she proceeded to fling her bra around while screaming the rocket power theme song, still managing to not fall off the skateboard
I've hooked up with six guys in my ethics class next semester...I feel like I've failed already
SOS. HE HAS PASSED OUT AND IS LYING ON TOP OF ME. HE IS STILL INSIDE. HELP
There is blood on the door to my room, I have to go to sleep
Look bro I'll go half per boob with you, we split her.
But once you explained how to fill cupcakes with semen I realize you were harmless and right on my level.
did i just see you in the movie theater carrying a margarita into Frozen?
All the 6 year olds are jealous of my alcohol
I should get an "I gave blood today" type of sticker, but instead it would say "I went balls deep today"
annnnd thats why you don't tip your waiter by flashing them
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