just met our mailman at a party, he asked me out. i said yes, but only if he picks me up in the mail truck. how jealous are you
Ah why did you tell everyone you dragged your sac across my face!
FYI you just passed out mid-blow job. Consider this my letter of resignation.
i no longer feel bad for not doin my schoolwork. im watching a porn in french. this MUST qualify as studying.
Best dream ever last night. You moved here. Your Spanish name meant highway. Your favorite food was styrofoam.
at least you know where his tattoos end, so it wasn't a complete waste of time.
And for some reason I just want to have sex with EVERYTHING
It's a good cause. For your vagina.
Do you ever feel like your dog agrees with you? Like REALLY really agrees.
well I woke up with about $3 in odd change and a note that said "I'm borrowing your weed." So, no, it didn't go to well.
If I don't have the money by then, I'll pay you in sex.
It's going to be 23.5 times of sex and 19 blow jobs. I just googled it.
I smoked then listened to a voicemail from my mom...I ended up yelling at my phone cause she wasn't answering me. Forgot it was a recording.
What have I told you about trying to use Jesus as your wingman?!
I signed the divorce papers. Can I get a blowjob now?
Do you remember what happened last night? All I could find we're phone numbers of strip clubs in Detroit. Did we go to Detroit?
Randomize
