Would you let Jessica Biel poop in front of you to see her naked...but you have to wipe her too?
I'm drunk enough to talk Barbara Walters outta her panties
new hobby: convincing random sorority girls around campus that we hooked up last weekend. i'm 2 for 5.
I love you. Thanks for all the blowjobs.
if you ever get a chance to, fuck in a lecture hall. great acoustics. highly recommend it.
library dates and plan B? He is looking like a great catch.
I know it's not technically the "Mile High Club" but we def need a name for the airport bathroom. Cuz that just happened.
If I die young bury me in satin. And make sure there's a taco bar at my funeral.
The length of my leg hair is a constant reminder of how long it's been since I even thought I had a chance of getting laid.
I'm not even pretending to study anymore. I'm straight up sleeping in the library
It's Reggie from Taco Bell, send me a pic.
I just remembered that the guy I slept with last night has "USDA PRIME" tattooed on his ass
Officially spring today. First sighting of loud-ass Steller Jay on the balcony.
No no no, I want to share him with you. Think of it as me sharing a piece of delicious pie with you. He was THAT GOOD.
Sorry I’m late. Got horny watching the traffic report and had to rub one out
Randomize
