you keep denying me to hang out, should i take a hint?
you keep asking me after midnight, should i take a hint?
is it a bad sign that i now think of my run-ins with cops as "skill building seminars"?
um, yeah. i think it is.
You never realize just how much you have to be thankful for until you almost shit yourself in a Target.
Just walk through the Honors dorm on a Saturday night. You'll feel better about yourself.
my feelings for you are synonymous with those of a grizzly bear and salmon. i don't want to nom on you; but i need you to survive
I really can't get over how proud I am of all us getting laid at the same time in the same apartment
I was in the freezer we were knocking over shit. Speaking of which i asked my boss. I can hook up with girls in the freezer
Yeah just sayin. Whenever you want to come over and wank me off you can
Def just hooked up with my brother's senior prom date in his bed. Does that make me the worst brother ever?
Why were you eating a hot dog in the bathroom at 230 am?
My roommate was sleeping, I thought it would be rude
His penis smells like laundry I just wanted to cuddle it
How drunk is "too drunk" for candlelight service?
We were high as balls fucking in the back seat when we saw the blue lights. He's like, "I got this" and walked over butt ass naked and goes, "Sorry dude, we're just banging" and the cop apologized for disturbing us and drove off.
The stripper told Tom to sort his life out
And he kept lifting up his shirt every few minutes to check if his nipples were still there
Took the ex out to the bar, then left with her and her best friend....and you said this was a bad thing.
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