Have you finally orgasmed yet?
It's pretty bad when the convenient store clerk can tell you that you're earlier than usual for visiting the store.
What did I eat last night that was bloody?
I think "banned from Amtrak due to excessive projectile vomiting" would sum up the evening quite nicely.
great! i almost saw a gas station fight, and i believe i became the first person to successfully pee and puke in a bathtub simultaneously
I caught him trying to shit in her bed. I asked him why he was doing it and he said "because it's wrong."
Chick last night said she only gets off if she rubs her childhood blanket her parents gave her during sex
I enjoy it and I rock at it. I wish there were a respectable way to make giving blow jobs a career.
I sold him an eighth while trippin balls wearin my girlfriends tutu and tube top. and i was talking about albinos the entire time
well, he defiantly picked the right guy to buy drugs from
Update: That guy is no longer in the restroom, so he's probably not dead.
IM GOING TO SIT ON YOUR FACE AND CHANT 'I BELIEVE THAT WE WILL WIN'
I was totally going to fuck him and then his friend walked in brushing his teeth, whipped down his pants and started doing the windmill. Ultimate cock block
I'm reading the Hobbit in my blanket fort alone with a bottle of wine... all I need is dungeons and dragons to complete this superfecta of awesome
So then I got so stoned I sat and took my pulse for 10 minutes.
My face is going numb. I think it's time I call it quits
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