She thinks she is all that and a bag of skittles but I'm definitely not tasting the rainbow...
I'm sorry for the crack den comment. You have a lovely apartment.
I'm so proud of your ability to turn my Charlie horse last night into anal sex.
Why do I have peacock feathers super glued to my body?
I'm hard boiling eggs, drinking rum, and talking to my 8 year old brother about the 10's times tables. This is what thursday is all about.
I created another version of Halloween, it's called swalloween, whatever girl in a slutty costume you bring home has to swallow or forever be known as the holiday grinch
I just found out via Facebook that my old dorm room is now the free condom distribution room on campus...IT'S LIKE THE UNIVERSE KNOWS!
im going to hold it over his head for all of eternity. when his children are born i am going to go to the hospital as his wife is giving birth and shove the picture in the childs face, so the first time they see their father is in a drunken stupor looking like a jackass.
Also this guy fingered me at the bar and then gave me his card
I'm so excited for post-beer fest chipotle. It will be better than scared shitless pre-go karting chipotle.
I called him a "Beautiful Bastard" with "Beautiful Bastard Hair". That is how you pick up a guy from Denmark.
I found a guy who will take me to the Olive Garden and he is CONVENTIONALLY ATTRACTIVE.
Not many people can say they've been photo bombed by an antelope. I sure did.
Pooping to opera.
Need to use your shower bro.
FWB wearing glitter again?
It’s like she’s marking her territory
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