What ever happened to making out with a few boob grabs here and there?
Sunburnt clitoris. How do I deal with it.
Just before going down on me she said, "I need a hairband for all of the jobs I'm about to perform."
Breaking up as roommates was a poor life decision. I'm sorry. Thank you for never shitting on the floor.
Tomorrow's thirsty thursday is now sponsored by the three time champion, chemisty failure. celebration starts asap.
I would not be 19 again if you paid me. Guess who found naked pictures of themselves? Fuck cocaine
Made myself shower before I'd masturbate. I probably should have wined and dined myself too, but that's pushing it too far.
I woke him up with a blow job and he started sing "oh the USAAAA. IT'S GOING TO BE S BEAUTIFUL DAYYYYY"
Sometimes I love sober logical me. She makes rare appearances but when she does she shines.
DID YOU REALLY JUST GIVE ME A FIRST BASE SIGN
If I had a dick, I'd stick it in some Oreo pancakes
I think you are severely overestimating being able to get your lingerie back by posting the lyrics of Irreplaceable
Please tell your friend to stop shitting in my closet.
I know you won't see this for awhile, but I had to tell somebody, and you're like the only person who won't judge me for having an accidental erotic encounter with General Tso's chicken.
my near death experience doubled as my sexual awakening
Randomize
