i live my life in a constant state of hangover.
The only problem is i have violated all potential new years resolutions at the new years party.
I'm so used to throwing up its no longer a game of hanging over the toilet. Now it's just 'stand up, aim for the toilet, do my thing' then walk out
We need to stop celebrating holidays that dont belong to us
Please don't tell me I was shouting "I'm bleeding from my vagina" in front of my ex-boyfriend and his new girlfriend.
He blew a load on his roommates pillow just to piss him off. Why did you introduce me to these people?
I hope my orgasm sounds aren't secretly that bad and no one tells me
How does this dude know what a dying walrus sounds like? That's the real question
So I went to daintily fall onto my bed like I was in a hotel commercial and I completely missed my matress and landed on my floor. Just thought u should know.
He said he didnt want to choke me, I said im sorry thats a deal breaker.
But don't thank me for faking being asleep, if I was the real wing man, I would have left the bed
I'm having a hard time eating my sandwich knowing how many different buttholes my hands were in last night.
The prescription the hospital gave me for pain and nausea doubles for my hangovers... Maybe I'll hit up the ER more often
Decided to stay in tonight. Completely sober. Just got two drunken booty calls within 5 minutes of each other. This is my life.
Tonight’s your last chance for a danger free blowjob.
I know I may be showing my age by saying this but this is the first time I have been eaten out in the parking lot behind the Clairmont Inn since 1990
Randomize
