I wonder why dictionaries dont have indexes to help find the words easier.
4 feet of snow. teaching the cats how to snow swim. throwing them off the porch and seeing what happens.
my dad just referred to me and my boobs as 'the three of you'
We were making out when she went into convulsions. At least now I know she's allergic to peanuts.
I just got turned down by a drunk fat chick. At my own birthday party. God hates me.
He was drinking hot tub water because i refused to get him a glass of water...
I sent her 8 pictures of my dick in a baked potato. Not sure how I thought that would get me laid later.
I am making a budget for 2012. Should condoms be in the insurance or entertainment category?
I will call him whatever I please, including flaccid dick on forehead guy but not limited to watermelon cunt head.
Just talked a homeless guy out of suicide. Was rewarded with a garbage bag full of mountain dew bottles and zannies. Im such a good person
I met a bunch of Germans and said in german "this is for the fatherland" and poured a beer on my head
No memories of receiving this. Or of getting home. Or of apparently developing a taste for marmalade, which I assume is yours because I have literally never eaten it before. It's all over the kitchen. And my phone. And in my hair. Oh god I wish I wasn't on the train to work. X And sorry about the kitchen x
Well you busted in the house and yelled with pride about Uber giving you a ride over with your new bong.
Why is "Oprah of drinks" written on my arms?
You said to write it on you, after you kept saying, "You get a drink, you get a drink, everyone gets a drink."
Fuck you guys, I'm trying to nurse my hangover and eat my chicken tenders in peace.
Randomize
