Dude I just heard my boss singing from the bathroom "I love making poop"
I just farted in the dogs face to show him who's boss
He just refered to Steak and Shake as "a good place for couples". I will definitely not be shacking tonight.
He told me I couldn't drink an unopened bottle of water he had in his room because that was his emergency bong water
Sitting on the floor in my kitchen eating taquitos. Being this drunk the next day has lost its allure post graduation.
I'm not sure how exactly, but this funeral has turned into a ridiculous night of drinking games
Ok John needs to move to the other side of the county. I do not like to be approached for a blow job in the produce section of Holiday Market.
He seemed like a really nice guy. He tried to dry my shirt because someone spilled their drink on me. I think that's how I ended up topless on his dryer.
So the " I'm gay but curious" thing worked. You owe me 50 bucks.
So question... If I'm sexting with uncircumcised guy, do I have to add *then i gently pull your foreskin down*?
What's an appropriate outfit for wearing to hangout with a girl you've talked to once, and had a 4way with?
I forgot to lock the bathroom door. He walked in, saw me on the toliet, nodded, and walked back out.
Goodnight Shia. Goodnight Moon.
HE IS. YOU SHOULD TOUCH HIS BACK.
IT IS A COURTSHIP RITUAL.
THE MUTUAL BUTT TOUCH IS SACRED.
Shit day. Some kids decided to open my car at 3 AM while I was at work and the alarm went off. I went after them with a sword but they were minors so I didn't kill them.
Randomize
