Joe is a total sociopath, I'm going to hook up with him tonight
My farts woke her up so I pretended to be keep sleeping.
How come it tastes like onions whenever I go down on her?
is her vagina suppost to smell like dirty taco bell?
My boss just gave me full permission to come into work wasted this weekend.
note to self... there IS such a thing as having too many birthday shots...
I'm staying in tonight, it's my Christmas present to my liver.
I may have made out with a tranny last night, which, if I don't get fired for everything else that happened, really makes last night epic.
My cab driver has a hooker in the front seat. Really, this is serious. And weird.
it's not that I hate people, I just want to rip most of their faces off.
Did we seriously steal a wet floor sign from McDonald's then get chased down by a homeless man for it? Never drinking again.
Sexy intern needs to have caveman sex with me
Also I ordered a dildo and I'm not sure if I want it still, so there might be a free dildo in your future
well tomorrow I get to eat fungus and go to an abandoned city.
most people would fear that statement, but i wish to join you
I would totally suck a dick for some poutine right now
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