question: does your pee smell like mojitos at all?
drinking out of a sandbucket again
I just decorated my birth control case with Lisa Frank stickers. If that doesn't scream 'I'm not ready for babies' I don't know what does.
We need to stop sleeping with people based on which NFL team they like.
i was like his sober eyes girls would come up to us, show us theirs and if approved by me blew him, if rejected they went to my truck with a bottle of patron
I dunno if you guys are having weird sex or a most accurate bird sound contest but either way stop doin it
Sounds good. Look at us. Planning sex like proper adults.
Have you ever just woke up in the morning and felt pregnant
He threw me over his shoulder and carried me outside, all the while drinking from the bottle of rum he was holding, while my ex watched. I'm winning the break-up.
I mean, as I was vomiting in front of a giant crucifix I became acutely aware of my poor choices
He texts me "what are you wearing" in the middle of the workday, so naturally I assume he's kidding and respond "the blood of my enemies" #foreveralone
He took a picture of me to show his boss why he was late...Is that a compliment or not?
Just took acid. Wish me luck.
I worked out twice today and you're dropping acid. My life sucks.
Just told my roommate about "analvice" and she is horrified and the Sound of Music is ruined.
I'm tired, but I'm gonna go with "I watched the debate last night and part of my soul died"
Randomize
