I can't believe believe she called me a slut. She doesn't know anything about me or my life.
Shit, that's something a lot of sluts say.
with your flexibility, and the size of my penis, amazing things are possible.
She is definitely tripolar. Like bipolar but better/worse.
Listen. I'm a changed woman. I have no problem using him for sex.
my post shower fart this morning sounded like hulk ripping through a phonebook
They left me passes out in the food donation bin with an empty handle and a half eaten box of nutter butters
I'm convinced my penis is the only thing holding this relationship together.
Currently at a fetish club with a set of swings (don't ask). Having flashbacks to the park by my house
I stirred my drink with a butcher knife. His roomate keeps giving me dirty looks
Like what do you want from me
moral of the story: if your going to mix ambien and free skyclub alcohol, take a direct flight or have a layover in a city you wouldn't mind having to return to for a court date.
I have a vagina. So i automatically win.
fuck st louis. fuck their hockey. fuck their basball. fuck their football if they still got it. fuck their tiddlywinks teamm. fuck their ribs. fuck their entire city. what im trying to say is i dont like st louis
Just got your voicemail. The 3am call wasn't a drunk dial, it was an I left my phone in my pocket then has wild animalistic sex dial...
I hate you.
You LOVE me.
I'll talk to you in a minute. Gotta put my peacocks away
I think I broke my dick but 10/10 would definitely do it again.
Randomize
