3 different guys in my psych class know me as 3 different names and said hi to me with all 3 different names-Andrea, Grace, and Bella
I've never been more proud of you
dude 8 am is too early to start pregaming for new years eve
clearly you are not from wisconsin
dude it was like an art museum there were boobs everywhere
Shaving your vagina at 8 months pregnant is not an easy chore.
I can't really talk right now. I'm getting on a plane to Oregon to go give a guy a bj. I'll see you in three days.
I made him tell me how he proposed to his wife before I'd bang him. I have a problem.
Just when I think I'm the one with the problem, I get home for the holidays and the family shows me what alcoholism is really about
Its 6 am and me and the girl in the next apartment have been taking turns puking and yelling "never agaaaain" thru the walls.
the whole story woulnd't be so depressing if i had made out with ANYONE but the piano player.
I taught her to play Monopoly. She sold me her bra to keep from going bankrupt.
sorry there isn't a 'perfect ass' emoji
That's why we have robots to masturbate for us
Sorry my phone died. Obviously four o'clock in the morning is a good time to tell you this.
My fuck it list is complete! I finally got a firefighter!
My boob job is like a master key that gets me in any door, any party and anyone’s pants! They’re magical!
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