I dont have enough money in my bank account to buy a pregnancy test. this wouldnt be the first time ive had to steal one either...
Definitely contact high. Thirty miles an hour listening too i can see clearly now wanting too eat the steering wheel
What the fuck could you be doing in that room to make her yell "Beginners Luck!" over and over again?
She's like an enigma, wrapped in a riddle, tossed in miller light, inside a question. Nobody can explain a Heather.
me blowing you awake is the exact turn i want our relationship to take
OMG CHARGE YOUR PHONE I NEED TO KNOW IF THIS IS A GOOD PICTURE OF MY ASS
DAMMIT Im supposed to be running a company not discussing dick piercings!
Yeah. Got a major ego boost when she said she felt like she had just fucked King Arthur. Buying some donuts later to celebrate with, wanna join?
Just spilled a coffee mug full of scolding hot oatmeal on my bare dick. Hope you're having a good Friday night too.
Dude, she set my Tinder preference to men, set the radius to 100 miles, and used up all of my right swipes. I think she's mad.
The assignment was about the Industrial Revolution so I just screamed at them in a British accent all day. No, they didn't know I was hungover.
I was not drunk. There was Star Wars, sex, and baby oil.
So was it everything you dreamed it would be
I puked.
Twice.
So is that a yes?
Nice. I got home at like 3am.stopped at Walmart for a vacuum and weirdly a trash can. Not sure why high me last night needed a new trashcan.
If he’s halfway attractive, employed and cool with me having boytoys, I’ll marry him
Randomize
