Her name starts with A and ends with whore.
So while she was giving me a lap dance I told her I quit med school. Just so she didn't feel like the only one who's made bad decisions in their life.
Let's just say there's a reason that "suede" rhymes with "laid".
On a scale of one to trashy, how is this: Got drunk, gave a guy a hand job. In the middle of the bar
I think you broke the trashy scale
Hashbrowns don't come out your nose as easily as you would think
I'm on his itunes. He has a sex playlist. It's actually not so much a playlist as 12 Kylie Minogue songs with a big gay Whitney finish.
Tequila is the liquid version of celery. I lose more calories during tequila drunk and the following sexual activities than I gain by drinking it...
On the brightside though, I found the motivation to clean my shower, it was right underneath my need to masturbate in said shower.
You need 4-7 business day to recover from a fingering like that.
a pansexual with facepaint started fucking a tall black girl on the bed i was sitting on so im going to mcdonalds
There's jello in my purse I have a mysterious glow stick and didn't sleep with anyone my god I'm 3 for 3 tonight
When you left the bar, you did two cartwheels and a heel click and RAN ALL THE WAY HOME.
Fuck. What bets did I make about "yeah when the Cubs win the World Series" that I gotta reneg on????
you know you're in deep when you watch fear and loathing in las vegas and every damn scene is relatable.
He was fingering me and I came so hard that I actually broke his wrist. We're at the ER now.
Randomize
