Fucking love it maybe bedazzle some baby seals? Make them cuter? Who would club a bedazzled baby seal? Only a fucking monster.
The walls in my apartment are so thin that sometimes when I fart, I stop to listen if people are laughing next door.
My underwear smells like fireworks.
so i am drinking whiskey and watching home alone 2 by myself. it turns out moving to a foreign country isn't all that different after all.
I went to his work to give him some blankets and ended up blowing him in the bathroom. See what happens when you don't come over?
You tried to tell her that the salad was an afrodisiac then proceeded to stroke yourself with the feather duster
I've hooked up with six guys in my ethics class next semester...I feel like I've failed already
Dude this deaf chick is totally hot, I just bought an apartment on boner ave
I slept with him that night and I'm not sure if my lack of enthusiasm was obvious but I found him eating ice cream in the bathtub the next morning. Mom will be so proud.
Wake up we need to beat the walk of shame rush hour
At first I was horrified but then he explained that he shave a "soul patch" on his balls... And I was still horrified, but I went with it.
My aunt left me alone with the instructions to "get waisted" by the time she returns. I love drunk aunt.
Finding out you're not a mother on Mother's Day >>>
Fuck you know you drunk when you start signing the Masson impossjvke song to entourage yourself to pee
Apparently I gave a guy a hand job on the dance floor. ON THE DANCE FLOOR.
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