I took off my bra and money fell out...how crazy was I tonight?
Just did shrooms. Don't feel shit! Wsasted 40 bucks on this! Nothing's happenig except for this little gnome on my shoulder and the couch is melting. Fuckin waste of money.
he changed my name in his contacts to "rick", so his mom wouldn't know he was texting me
There are many reasons why he shouldn't come over. And each one is longer than his penis.
Blonde 1 is sitting on the floor crying and blonde 2 is asleep with her face in the toilet. This isn't what I had in mind when they asked me back
you kept saying "no santa, im not having sex with you. it's not your holiday".
All I remember is him trying to go down on me, but I guess I was too busy making out with his brother
Were at her birthday dinner and her dad keeps buying me shots saying when I was your age I fucked the shit outta girls
Hahahahahaha remind him your dating his daughter
That sad moment when you flush your Molly down the toilet at the airport & watch your vacation slowly end..
Taking advantage of alcohol's depressant capabilities to curtail my fever. SCIENCE!
We had sex on a lawn chair while fireworks were going off last night. It was unavoidable that I got mosquito bites all over my ass
Cleaning my room at 2am, in just one corner I found six beers, half a pint of whiskey, my flask, 2 shotgun bullets, my crown and shimmer lotion.
All I remember about last st pattys day was I was in a bathtub with full bubbles, fully clothed, drinking out of a flamingo lawn ornament that someone cut a hole in.
He said his parents were apparently coming over to surprise him with breakfast and I’ve never gotten dressed and run out of the door that quickly. I have commitment issues.
Do I masturbate or eat a pound of matazah. Alissa help what do I do??
Randomize
