I think he may have called me a bar rat, jokingly. I said i was but in a non-trashy way.
Dude its so hot it my room I can't jack off. Its gonna be a long summer.
Your dad needs a mid life crisis affair thing, I could totally be that girl.
Tonight's trip to the ER was brought to you by, "fork jousting."
I am in macy's and just straight up heard an old lady taking a crap in her depends.
Was my mother there when I broke the stipper pole?
I'm unsure as to how you were able to snapchat me with your hands duck taped to beer, but I appreciated it nonetheless.
And we're now at 8 people from the office coming to my desk to ask me "do you feel better?".
Standing here wondering if its a good idea to cook pork chops in the toaster or not.
Gotcha. How bad is it?
Well to compare it to something I would say it what's that walls would like inside the primate exhibit at the zoo after a group of monkeys finished throwing feces at each other all afternoon
So far I consider it a great summer because I have had to buy Plan B a total of zero times
Taco Bell is giving high school kids free tacos STEAL YOUR BROTHER'S WALLET I'LL BRING THE WEED.
Glitter fights sound a lot funner in theory.
I'm not wearing pants, but I'm wearing a tiara.
i don't think the phrases "so shitty" & "taking care of my newborn" should be combined in the same sentence. leave it to her to make it possible eh?
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