Not me. I think "beastiality" sounds pretty classy.
He just knocked over the beer pong table... I haven't seen so much fail in one room since I watched "Mall Cop" with my grandma
dude, never take two tylenol pm and smoke three bowls. i feel like i'm covered in cold ants.
He has been begging me for a Bj but doesnt want to get mono
How is he gunna get mono? is he gunna suck on his dick after you?
You ruined his night from a different state? Impressive.
Got my bloodwork back and my liver is in tip top shape. Apparently blacking out 5 nights a week isn't cutting it, so we've got to step it up until I see that all of my hard work is actually paying off and doing some damage.
Have you ever noticed that the cities in car commercials look really futuristic?
...did you eat that brownie?
YOU COME FROM SAD WHALE FAMILY, DEEP IN OCEAN!
Yeah. I was about to call 911 but I ended up breaking the door frame off then ran and puked all the way home.
Plan: drunk dancing. Reality: drunk almost getting in fights with people that could beat me into the ground.
He made me brush his hair afterwards because it made him feel like a ken Barbie.
God I hope the sex was good.
He's saved in my phone as 'MURICA. I think it's safe to say I'm not exactly taking him seriously.
I mentioned the porn thing he mentioned a brother it all kinda just came together
I have to stop at Sheetz to put my bra back on before I meet you hold on
I'm like a great zombie Jesus.
Randomize
