turns out a healthy dose of cleavage is the equivalent of a swig of felix felicis
It's official. I'm a squirter. Wasn't a one time thing.
I swallowed and made him pancakes in the morning. I feel almost as desperate as Jennifer Aniston at this point.
Did you write "I hope this gives you aids" on my box of capn crunch?
i'm satisfied with the level of pretty that his new girlfriend isn't.
the ball fondling will be left out of the trip recanting
You convinced her to break up with her boyfriend, made out with her all night, got her to buy us all shots then went home with a different girl...
That explains the "i hate you" text. But the facebook deletion is a bit harsh
Sorry I never showed up last night. It was between spending time with you and our freinds or having violent multiple orgasims. I chose the low road.
Managed to get through family dinner without anyone knowing I was tripping balls. Christmas miracle. He exists.
yea but i missed the pot and poured the boiling water on my dick. shit hurts. aint nothin easy about that mac
I just walked out of the side door of the bar to come in the front door so no one would know I've been here drinking before our work meeting.
If she gets mad at me, that only means more free time for me. I like to put myself I win win situations. Despite being in a relationship, I still find ways to accomplish my goals.
I'm at her wedding and she managed to get every single one night stand I ever had in her wedding party. Why does she hate me?
If you think that liquor is the way to shower sex then you're right.
getting my period the day i moved was my bodies way of saying 'congratulations youre not leaving town with anybodies babies!'
Randomize
